The Issues & The Traumas
There appears to be a growing awareness by the world at large that adoption is not the panacea it was thought to be in the past, at least not for the Adoptee nor for the relinquishing Mother.
The traumas experienced by the Adoptee are real and terrifying and if not addressed lead to significant Mental Health problems and ongoing emotional disadvantage.
Below is the experience one such Adoptee.
An Adoptee's story ~
"I was born to a single mother of 24, who was naive enough to believe my father of 32 was not married with four children. It was like that, in those days of war, when life must have seemed precarious from minute to minute. We spent six weeks in a Mother and Baby Home, when she cared for me, attended to my needs, apart from those for love, affection and comfort, as it was forbidden.
My adoptive parents took me away and my mother believed she would never see me again. She never recovered from giving me up and suffered from the pain of it all her life.
I too suffered, even after our reunion when I was fifty. The mother you craved and wished to know all your life never turns out to be the one you meet. The empty space in your heart never fills.
Adoption places special requirements on a child to take on an identity that is not theirs, to pretend they are the child of the adopters, to be grateful , to not complain and to play 'the adoption game' at all times even into adult life and after the death of the adopters, for the benefit of their family. That often means being 'the good child', compliant, well-behaved and obedient. Some children react in a different way, but in my case I was 'good' and never rocked the boat .I didn't recognise my pain, let alone find the words to speak of it or a person to speak to.
The loss of true identity, family and sometime s culture and country, coupled with the trauma of separation from the biological mother, have profound affects which are life -long. Much can be done to help us become survivors and not victims of the past.
If at all possible we should do as much healing work for ourselves before we have children, if we have them. This work takes time, concentration and is greatly helped by the assistance of a skilled and experienced counsellor who knows intimately the issues and understands the initial trauma of separation.
Many of us have problems with self image, identity, trust, commitment, food, depression and so on. I personally have suffered with recurring nightmares, sleep problems, food issues, 'adoption fog', catatonia when under extreme stress, inability to form relationships with partners who are not abusive, self-harm, problems relating to body hygiene ,self confidence, sense of isolation, disempowerment, bullying, anxiety, self esteem, difficulty in processing information particularly about people and situations, inability to treat myself well, difficulty in assessing my own situation, depression, assertiveness, physical symptoms such as asthma and so on.
All of these effects can be dealt with and their impact on our lives improved. We can learn to be successful survivors and cease to be victims."
It is evident that adoptees experience ongoing issues with rejection, self esteem, separation anxiety, identity, and other related problems to do with their traumas.
Counselling may help to alleviate the emotional and psychological pain that is being experienced. If you are experiencing these or other difficulties please contact the Practice.
Giving Your Life Direction