There appears to be a growing awareness that adoption is

not the panacea it was thought to be in the past, at least

not for the Adoptee nor for the relinquishing Mother. The

traumas experienced by the Adoptee are real and

 terrifying and if not addressed may lead to significant

Mental Health problems and ongoing emotional

disadvantage.

 

Below is the experience one such Adoptee.

An Adoptee's story ~

I was born to a single mother of 24, who was naive

enough to believe my father of 32 was not married with

four children. It was like that, in those days of war, when

life must have seemed precarious from minute to minute.

We spent six weeks in a Mother and Baby Home, when

she cared for me, attended to my needs, apart from those

for love, affection and comfort, as it was forbidden.

My adoptive parents took me away and my mother

believed she would never see me again. She never

recovered from giving me up and suffered from the pain

of it all her life.

I too suffered, even after our reunion when I was fifty.

The mother you craved and wished to know all your life

never turns out to be the one you meet. The empty space

in your heart never fills. To take on an identity that is not

theirs, to pretend they are the child of the adopters, to be

grateful , to not complain and to play 'the adoption game'

at all times even into adult life and  after the death of

the adopters, for the benefit of their family. That often

means being 'the good child', compliant, well-behaved and

obedient. Some children react in a different way, but in

my case I was 'good' and never rocked the boat .I didn't

recognise my pain, let alone find the words to speak of it

or a person to speak to.

The loss of true identity, family and sometime one's

culture and country, coupled with the trauma of separation

from the biological mother, have profound affects which

are life -long. Much can be done to help us become

survivors and not victims of the past.

Adoption places special requirements on a child

If at all possible we should do as much healing work for

ourselves before we have children, if we have them. This

work takes time, concentration and is greatly helped by

the assistance of a skilled and experienced counsellor who

knows intimately the issues and understands the initial

trauma of separation.

Many of us have problems with self image, identity, trust,

commitment, food, depression and so on. I personally

have suffered with recurring nightmares, sleep problems,

food issues, 'adoption fog', catatonia when under extreme

stress, inability to form relationships with partners who are

not abusive, self-harm, problems relating to body hygiene

,self confidence, sense of isolation,  disempowerment,

bullying, anxiety, self esteem, difficulty in processing

information particularly about people and situations,

inability to treat myself well, difficulty in assessing my

own situation, depression, assertiveness, physical

symptoms such as asthma and so on.

All of these effects can be dealt with and their impact on

our lives improved. We can learn to be successful

survivors and cease to be victims."

It is evident, that some adoptees experience ongoing

issues with rejection, self esteem, separation anxiety,

identity, and other related problems to do with their

traumas.

 Counselling may help to alleviate the emotional and

psychological pain that is being experienced. If you are

experiencing these or other difficulties please contact the

Practice.